Chocolate – yes I did….🍫🍫🍫🍫

When I set up this blog, I did it with the express intention of not mentioning politics—and I won’t. But I can’t hide the fact that our country is at war. My son is fighting on the front line, and we are sleeping in a safe room. I offer no political view—that’s for other forums—but it is unquestionably impacting my health and stress. About eight people in their homes this evening have died from the same ballistic rocket fire we were under.

Right now, I am “blessed” with PSP—a terminal, untreatable disease that everyone is trying to convince me is actually not dangerous (which, sadly, I don’t believe). It continues to progress, making it harder to walk. We are at war. I have some significant family challenges (not with my close family), and just to add to it, the pump that had been helping me (Produodopa/Vyalev) has caused so much physical pain, infection, and blood loss that I’ve gone back to pills for the time being.

My therapist and a psychiatric report believe I am suffering from trauma and depression. And to top it off, I’m retiring—still trying to figure out what to do with a huge chunk of time and the financial implications of retiring at 50.

My dream vacation—10 days with my wife—looks like it’s lost due to the war. And due to a combination of silly errors on my part and those of an insurance agent, it seems we’re not covered for the loss.

Second… worst of all 🙂 I lost 10 chess games—each one due to a stupid mistake I simply didn’t see.

And worst of all—I just munched my way through a chocolate bar I’ve tried to avoid eating for five years.

So… apart from that, all is rosy.

Seriously, it’s not good right now. But I have to look for the good and the upside—and with a bit of digging, it’s clear and obvious:

• I have the best family—my wife, kids, Buddy the dog, and many others.
• I have great friends and live in a wonderful community.
• I’ve made the right decision to retire, and it will be okay financially.
• I live in a great country and am proud to be here.
• I will roar back in my chess or start to play weaker people – either is fine 🙂
• I trust in G-d and believe there is a reason for everything.
• The chocolate was delicious 🙂 and I believe I had it under control. It was Toblerone—and well worth the brief break from the diet.
• I remain stubborn and focused on fighting. I actually pushed myself to the extreme last week and flew to the UK for a few hours to attend a funeral—just to give her son, my mate, a hug. Wheelchairs all the way, but apart from one fall (and grass stains that may not come out), I made it.
• On the journey, I met a 72-year-old who had recovered from a serious brain hemorrhage. We spoke and laughed for four hours. As I recall our discussion, she gave me great ideas and hope—and I am eternally grateful to her.

We all experience lows. Mine is low—but I am also certain there will be a tomorrow, and it will be brighter. I am determined to fight this. But it was important that people understood: it is tough.