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I looked back recently at the ridiculous volume of material I’ve produced since my diagnosis – four books, hundreds of blog posts, more words than any sensible person should inflict on the world in such a short time – and asked myself a simple question: is there anything in all of that worth saying to myself, let alone to anyone else?
The answer, I think, is yes. So with some design help, I pulled together a quote card. Eighteen quotes drawn from my own writing – lessons I’ve learned, tips I’ve actually found useful, two quotes on faith, which for me has always been active rather than passive, and a small collection of moments that were, on reflection, genuinely absurd. I am aware that producing a card of one’s own quotes is not the most modest of undertakings. I hope it earns its place.
Eighteen, as it happens, is not an arbitrary number. In Hebrew, the number eighteen corresponds to the word Chai – חי – which means life. It is one of the most significant numbers in Jewish tradition, which makes it a number I find particularly fitting for a collection like this one.
I am uncomfortably, self-consciously, and only-because-it-would-be-dishonest-not-to-say-so, a little bit proud of it. I think it reflects something real about my approach to this period of life.
I’ll let the quotes do the talking from here. But before I do, I want to say one thing plainly, because I have no intention of whitewashing any of this.
PSP is a truly terrible disease. It is terrifying. It causes real anxiety. It is hard – genuinely, relentlessly hard – and it is hard in particular for the people around me, who also did not choose this and who carry more than I can fully see. I wish I didn’t have it. I believe I am coping as well as I can. I get too irritable with the people I love. I sleep too little. Both are things I am working on.
That is the honest picture. The quotes above sit inside that picture, not instead of it.
