It seems to be working—and the doctors seem to be right.
Despite a war and several other stressful events, the simple truth is that stopping work, as much as I didn’t want to, is having a significant impact on my health.
This isn’t a battle where you achieve a huge turnaround and declare victory—sadly, PSP doesn’t work like that. But I’ve noticed a very real difference in my health over the past couple of months, and my gut tells me it’s due to the reduced stress.
The reality is that, as much as I loved the adrenaline of being a globetrotting consulting partner at a Big 4 firm, it took its toll. I identified three major stress triggers:
- The pressure of the job itself—managing people, targets, and expectations.
- The constant internal drive to ensure my clients were happy and my team was thriving.
- The emotional weight of managing my declining health, along with the paranoia and fear that came with it.
Traveling, driving, a full schedule, commitments, deliverables—while falling in the office, struggling to drive, freezing, and losing sleep due to the disease—were simply too much.
This past week gave me the proof I needed on two counts:
- I agreed to a YouTube interview that was published today. I would never have done that before. (I debated linking it here because the first part covers regional politics, which isn’t the focus of this blog. But feel free to ask me or search for it.)
- During the recent conflict, when business was shut down, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. I didn’t have to worry about my team’s welfare, the department’s P&L, or my clients. That stress, which would have consumed me, simply wasn’t there.
So, despite the downsides—financial and, more importantly, dealing with boredom—I know categorically that I made the right decision. It’s amusing that twice in my life I’ve made huge, financially impactful moves: first, moving from London to Israel (where my pay dropped by over 70%), and now this. Both have been among the most positive decisions I’ve made (aside from asking my wife to marry me). It proves that money isn’t everything. And thankfully, I’ve worked hard enough to be in a position where I think I’ll be okay.
As for boredom—I’m actively addressing it. I’ve signed up more mentees to my “Pay It Forward” program and am now mentoring 10–12 people, which I love. A friend gave me a long list of activities, including a fantastic game called Time Guesser. I’m playing chess with friends, helping my former firm with a few minor, non-stressful tasks, and reconnecting with my faith by writing a weekly article on the Torah portion, which I publish on Times of Israel. I’m also involved in advocacy and PSP charity work, which will resume once the hospital finalizes the next phase.
Of course, everything depends on one thing—G-d’s plan for me. Practically, I see it through the speed of PSP’s progression, which I can’t predict. Hopefully, my activities are helping to slow it down, along with my mindset, which I’ll touch on now.
Whether it’s called depression or trauma, I’ve definitely experienced it. I’ve had weeks of feeling low, withdrawing into myself, and being incredibly frustrated by the shift from 100 to 0—where walking 200 meters with a walker is now a struggle, compared to running 5K just a few months ago.
But I’ve come to accept that this is okay. It’s okay to feel upset, down, depressed, or traumatized when:
- Your body is literally withering.
- Your world shrinks from the globe to a 150-meter radius in a small town.
It’s a form of grief, and it takes time to adapt. If I didn’t feel that, I don’t think I’d be normal.
I genuinely have no idea what lies ahead. We’re moving forward with home renovations to prepare the downstairs for me to live in—there have been times recently when I couldn’t make it up the stairs and had to sleep downstairs. We’re building a proper ramp, too. My goal is to be like my late grandmother, who fought to maintain her independence for two decades after a stroke left her paralyzed. I want to be just as stubborn—pushing back against the disease and focusing on quality of life: more time with family and friends, meaningful engagement, and yes, watching the budget cuts I’m forcing on the family 😞.
So, despite the many challenges, I’m surprisingly relaxed and positive as I hit retirement at 50 and face the challenge of PSP.
Thanks, as always, for reading, for your feedback (which really helps), and to so many of you for your ongoing support.
ps. I will soon update on the Vyalev / Produodopa Pump which I am checking the ongoing use of by taking a few weeks back on pills. As it has moved to PSP it has had less impact on me – so stay tuned
