“Are you ok” – I get asked this question a lot and I am genuinely grateful that people check in. I make huge efforts to approach life with a glass half full attitude, and that’s my goal, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. I think it’s important people see the window from both perspectives—the glass half full attitude is key, despite the struggles I share below.
There are three possible answers, but I usually give the first one.
- Default Response
“Fine, thank you”, “OK”, or “Thank G-d, Fine.”
This is the polite, socially acceptable answer I give most often. - At Down Moments
The answer I’d love to give, but don’t:
“Given my challenges, I have a diagnosis of a PSP – a truly insidious terminal disease with a short life expectancy and no known treatment, I can’t drive, have retired from the work I love, and am largely bored with little to do, often isolated, I’ve been diagnosed with ‘severe depression’, have major sleep deprivation, problems with my eyesight, can’t handwrite or smell, can’t walk more than about 200 meters even with a walker, and have fallen twice in the last two days, plus diagnosed with chronic inflammation of the bladder, and I’m slashing costs because my income has largely gone…
I’m actually doing as well as could be possibly expected thanks – and you?” - At Up Moments
“All things considered, I’m extremely lucky. Despite enormous challenges, I’m fighting the fight and am actually doing ok. I’m surrounded by the best family in the world and wouldn’t swap my challenges with anyone else’s. Everyone has their struggles. I have meaning in my life and am at peace with G-d through my writing, mentoring, and study. Though I have a serious disease, I’m unique in my age and relative cognition and have taken positive steps to head it off for as long as possible and therefore the statistics don’t apply to me and even if they did I would aim to smash them. I’m doing ok, thanks – and you?”
The reality is that all these answers are completely true (as are the hundreds in between). They sum up the ever-oscillating mood and mode of life. The latter is the reality I choose to live by, but I can’t pretend I don’t occasionally dip into the second one. It can alter on a dime.
Having had two falls in quick succession I woke up to the no 2 version but writing this I am heading back to number 3 – this is the beauty of the blog for me.
It’s tough to transition your life so fast, but it’s a challenge many face. How do you answer when someone asks, “You doing ok?”. By the way – don’t stop asking but I expect the answer will be number 1. Please G-d whatever is in store for me is for the good.
