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In my former career, when I went for promotion to Director in the UK, I spent two days in an assessment centre – role-playing with actors, being videoed, and observed constantly. The feedback was clear: I was seen as a strong candidate for the future. But there was one major weakness – they said I’d never make a great salesperson. Why? Because I hate hearing “no.” They were right. I’ve worked hard on that over the years, but deep down, selling has never been my strength. I am a sensitive soul.
Writing a book is, in many ways, a sales process – first to a publisher, then to readers. And I hate that feeling of having to promote something, even when I believe in it passionately. That’s just me. I can’t pretend otherwise – or at least I will try to. That’s why I’m not including links here to Amazon.
For a while, I thought I was in a lull. During the plateau period of PSP, I pushed myself to write a book because I knew that window wouldn’t last. And I was right. It is closing for now. My balance is worse, my slowness has returned, and PSP is reminding me who’s boss. I even have truly painful constipation for the first time – a symptom I used to joke about without understanding the real pain. It’s humbling and frightening at the same time. I was given zero days of Plateau to enjoy the book
But nonetheless -the past few days have been a whirlwind of excitement about the book. I’m proud of it – truly proud. Friends suggested an online launch, translations, maybe even a writing career. For a moment, I let myself dream. I imagined the energy of sharing my story widely, the possibility of helping others. But then reality hit me hard. I retired for a reason: to avoid stress and concentrate on managing PSP and my symptoms. That was the whole point. And now, I find myself debating whether an online launch is the right thing to do. It could help publicise PSP, which matters deeply to me. But I’m leaning against the idea now because I know what stress does to me. It’s a dilemma – and I’ve never been good at balance.
I am convinced that I will continue to write about my experiences as a PSP patient. I believe it had huge value to me as therapy and to many others. That is my core purpose – I hope the book helps in its own way also. I think it is to see precisely this date today rollercoaster that ebbs and flows this value in the future and the value for caregivers and other PSP.
I hope people buy the book for what it says – for the ideas about faith, resilience, and living with PSP. But I won’t spend my days chasing numbers or dashboards. My peace matters more than promotion. (Or at least I will try because I know my bad side too well).
This book isn’t the start of something new – it’s a way to share my story while I still can. And that, for me, is enough. ? ! ? ! ?
