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I worry. People worry. I have written about this many times, but as most of us know, there is no one-time fix. It is an everyday challenge.
If only life were as simple as that guru video I once shared: a chart asking, “Why worry? If there is or isn’t something you can do about it, why worry?”
While logical, real life isn’t that simple. Many of us feel stressed or under pressure because worry is deeply plumbed into our way of being. I wouldn’t say it is in our DNA necessarily, but it runs deep.
The Reality of Worry Let’s look at the facts.
- Was I worried when I was diagnosed this week with a suspected mini-stroke, after feeling paralyzed on one side and being rushed to the ER? YES, I was.
- Was I worried when war broke out, we came under fire, and had to completely replan a wedding from scratch with many guests unable to attend? YES, I was.
- Am I concerned that my PSP is marching toward what science says is a logical conclusion? YES, I am.
- Am I concerned for the family I love so much, both now and in the future? YES, I am.
In that respect, I have reason to worry. I think most of us can produce our own lists of personal concerns. Looking back across my life, I have worried about my parents divorcing, teenage challenges, financial stress, fertility issues, and a whole range of private struggles I won’t detail here – not to mention sweating the small stuff, like making a flight or waiting for a client to accept a proposal.
Most of us do this. To add to this, so much of our administration is actually designed to cause worry; applying for disability is stressful, and filing taxes is the same. It is understandable, perhaps necessary, that people reach for coping mechanisms, both positive (exercise, mindfulness, faith, community) and negative (addiction, giving up).
Beyond “Just Be Positive” I experienced the greatest joy of my life a mere five days ago. I am honestly, truly blessed and deeply happy. But here is the thing: it doesn’t make the worry go away entirely. In those good times, I am often without a single care in the world. I am grateful to have many of those moments. But despite the joy, there are still darker moments – and most of us have them – despite the good ones. I had one before I started writing this blog.
You can’t simply say “Be happy,” “Be grateful,” or “Be positive” in those dark moments. While those sentiments are true, they don’t provide immediate solutions to the worries.
I am a “glass-half-full” person by nature, and I am literally living out this discussion as I write. My way of dealing with it is to express my worries to myself (sometimes publicly, but not always) and then try to move my mind to a better place.
My Solution: Active Thinking For me, one solution is writing. It forces me to remember that – mini-stroke, PSP, and war aside – I am one lucky, blessed guy. I saw my daughter get married this week. I have an amazing family.
I remind myself that I can take actions to mitigate the worry. I can exercise, do yoga, practice breathing or tapping, take prescribed meds (carefully), watch something on TV, or learn something new. I can choose to shift my perspective: it could have been much worse.
This requires “active thinking” and awareness. Sometimes it is hard, and sometimes it is easy, but it is always work.
I imagine most of us have worries. For me, it is more complicated than simple platitudes. As a person of faith, I try to accept what is happening with humility and gratitude. However, I have also come to learn that God doesn’t make life easy for us. If we want free will and growth, life has to be a challenge. Therefore, it is normal to have concerns – but we need to face them.
I am no saint or guru. I am a normal person facing challenges. Why do I worry? Because I care. Will I dig deep and fight on? Yes – because I care. Do I still – all said – worry too much? Yes. but many do.
