Writing has become obsessive for me…truly! I realized it a while back and a lot of people have observed it.
I am not a scientist and therefore offer no medical opinion but circumstantial evidence is pretty strong as the last few days has began to show.
I believe it is not out of control (I hold back for religious reasons on the Sabbath and don’t find myself freaking out) but I guess someone obsessed would say that.
Some would say the word “driven” and that maybe true – I think I have found an inner voice on issues that call out to me and am absolutely passionate about trying to lend my literally God given perspective to what are real issues felt by many people.
Nonetheless it is probably obsessive behavior:.
The non scientist in me remembers the warning when I started the meds at the beginning which went along the lines of – Parkinson’s is an absence of dopamine which is a chemical (neurotransmitter) responsible for controlling movement and also reward and motivation….too little of it causes PD but too much compensating for it (I.e. too much meds) gives rise to other issues such as involuntary movements and obsessive/addictive tendencies. So…you need to keep an eye out for obsessive tendencies and keep away from dangerous addictions such as gambling, binge eating, compulsive shopping etc”. Most people know the term “dopamine high” – this is literally that in the form of prescribed medication taken in my case literally 24 hours a day via a tube and orally as well. To doctors who are appalled by my medical phrasing please forgive me.
As a brief tangent, it was also the moment I got acquainted to one of the most personally and minor annoying aspects of PD – the ridiculously complicated terminology used. Dyskinesia; Bradykinesia, Dystonia. Why give patients with a neurological disease the most hard to pronounce and spell words. I can only think it is a form of memory treatment. To this day I don’t remember which is which and constantly have to google the terms to respond to questions asked by doctors. “How is your dystonia?”…. “If I remembered what that was I would answer”.
So anyway…I read an interesting article (one of many) https://www.parkinson.org/living-with-parkinsons/emotional-mental-health/impulse-control that states a significant number of PD patients suffer this side effect.
This is genuinely deadly serious. Through family members we know of cases of people who have developed very serious gambling addictions. There are cases of hyper sexuality, drug abuse, compulsive money spending.
I don’t believe I suffer these (I am too boring as my kids would say and they wish I would spend more on what I wear)…but I think it maybe possible that my blogging is an impulse control issue.
As one medical professional told me – if you are going to get an obsessive behavior that is not such a bad one.
So to those I annoy by the almost constant stream of words – I on the one hand hide behind the possibility it maybe a dopamine fueled addiction. To the few who like my writing – it is of course creative genius.
My youngest daughter has just walked down the stairs at 2am where I am walking around the house in the dark writing this – I am sure she thinks it is obsessive.
What is my point? Parkinson’s has so many impacts because it attacks the brain and the fundamental levers that drive movement, behavior and a lot of other things. It is clearly highly unpredictable and the constant balancing of medication to counter balance it can lead to times when you are over and under. To make it worse it gets steadily worse over time so it is a moving game. This is I guess the complexity.
I want to use my personal experience to the extent possible to highlight the dangers and reality of living with a truly dangerous disease and at the same time highlight the fact that there are many millions of people struggling and often succeeding to live with it and they are truly brave. There are people not succeeding and it is not their fault. There are millions of care givers impacted by it who deserve enormous credit and there are all the people involved in fighting it medically who I want to thank. Hopefully we will continue to gradually beat this disease (and I can stop writing which will be good for you:-))
One a side note… my raising the issue of sleep a couple of days ago has brought to my attention an interesting possible treatment through a new tech development. It is far too early to write about it but it could be another real step forward and I am pursuing it and will update. Maybe my “drive” will lead somewhere.
I am blessed with receiving the most amazing care and in the last few weeks it has literally changed my life – as one of my kids said “Daddy you are no longer disabled”. How long it will stay like this who knows but I will use this window to push on and now try and solve my sleep issue.
Off to yoga and exercise and a full days work!
