Dominoes – A positive look at the Domino effect
Sadly, all involved in dealing with health issues (or other trauma/tragedy) know the domino effect on people related to the patient – those in the family, at work, friends, health workers. The patient (or person with the health issues as some prefer) may often be ‘Ground Zero’ but there is often a very significant peripheral impact physically, emotionally, financially. This also works for the positive and if channeled correctly I believe it is a force for good.
I have been surprised and saddened at the fact that real people – including real friends and long-term colleagues – have been harmed by my illness but there is little I can do to control some of the physical reality I live in. I do however have in the present and future, a huge impact on the way people feel and their emotional well-being and every patient to a lesser or greater degree has this element of influence.
To be honest, there are days when I don’t feel like being “good” – I am in pain, I am fearful/scared, I just want a bit of care and attention, and at times I want people to remember I am the patient and that I am going through tough times too, sometimes I feel it isn’t fair. I think we all do this (unless I am missing something). This is normal and to be expected and my wife/kids do see this occasionally (well maybe more often than I’d like).
We – as patients – however possess an ability to try to influence people for the positive. This could be as simple as a smile, kind word, thank you or it could be a positive act or it could even be the holding back of that angry word bomb we suddenly feel like unfairly throwing knowing it will hurt. Patients are a little like a recharging battery cell in that respect and it is really important.
As I have quoted before – Winston Churchill famously said: “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference”. My point is that it is a double win – you can impact yourself, those around you and create a cumulative positive impact.
This of course is easier said than done – and it impacts all of us in every situation. It all comes down to attitude. For me, I often need a little time to process things. I can sometimes resist an idea or think the worst case but need time to breathe and process.
Take this article as a real example. I did for a moment think about making this an article about how unfair it is that patients also harbor guilt for the impact their condition causes on their loved ones. That is of course true to an extent but how does that help anyone. I didn’t give myself probable PSP and everyone else has their struggles and challenges. Then thinking about it I reminded myself that there is a silver lining in every cloud and that this terrible disease (as much as I truly hate it) has put me in a place where I can still influence for the positive. This is a message that feels much more valuable and true to me.
So yes – there are dominoes which have hurt people and I wish they had not happened but it is up to me to do what I can in the situation I am in to create dominos in the positive direction – as it is for many of us.
Of course it is two way and this should of course be met with positivity and empathy back – it is not a one way street – but sometimes two wrongs don’t make a right. None of this will stop some of the moods and restlessness as I transition abruptly….I of course am, at the end of the day, going through a tough journey so it is like all things sometimes two steps forward and hopefully less than a step back…but bear with me.
Chess
As I write this I am settling into a new-ish routine and actually I am pleased to report that I have taken up a new hobby – Chess. I have always loved it but only as an intuitive player with no formal lessons. I never learned the opening moves, how to end the game, how to work against the clock. I figure it is good for me mentally so I am taking this up. It was this or sim car racing…my kids vetoed that saying I would waste a lot of money upfront on something that I won’t stick to…they are right.
As to the many other suggestions – please don’t be annoyed that I haven’t taken you up on them necessarily yet – this feels a positive step so for now we move forward.
