I admit it – I’m terrible at waiting. I’m not sure I even know how, in any meaningful way. I have an overwhelming urge to get things done and to do them as quickly as possible. This approach is often counterintuitive. Sometimes, I’ll ignore an issue because it’s not on my radar, and then – bam – I need to solve it instantly.
I’m a nightmare to live with because of this, and I acknowledge it. Whether it’s booking a holiday, selling a car, publishing a book, or organizing an event, it’s always the same. I’ve made poor judgments in the past because of this impulsiveness. My family knows the drill. I can’t fully blame PSP or whatever the neurological condition I have. I’ve been like this for a long time, and impulsive behavior, a symptom of the disease, has likely worsened it.
I’ll send an email on a topic, then follow up with a WhatsApp message, then a call – it’s a serious problem, and I apologize to everyone who has to deal with me. Of course, this trait has its upside. In business, waiting is often seen as the biggest inefficiency in any process – waiting for others to approve X, process Y, or send Z. One school of management suggests it’s better to do something 80% right quickly than to do nothing perfectly. There’s a balance, which I don’t always achieve perfectly. I guess it is why I have had some success in the field of Mergers and Acquisitions because it is an area of such rapdiity.
The hobby of hunting would simply drive me insane, although it would no doubt be great for me. In the same way I have had to learn how to breathe properly – something that has taken time to get semi good at it.
I see this in the healthcare system, too. For every action, like a blood test, there’s a long waiting period before the next step, which I find hard to handle. For example, I’m awaiting results from a genetic test. It takes time to process, analyze, and review, but I physically and emotionally struggle with uncertainty, especially when no timeline is provided. Yesterday, I finally pushed for an answer and was told it would take two weeks. Now I’m fine because I know what to expect.
I struggle when I ask friends or family to review posts I plan to write. Waiting for their feedback is so difficult that I either nudge them unfairly, annoying them, or publish anyway, which probably annoys them too.
Step one in addressing this problem is to stop denying it and accept it – I’m doing that here. Step two is making changes. I’m not sure I can, not because I’d be trading a trait that’s often a strength, but because this impulsiveness stems from a nearly 50-year habit (with its successes) and a disease wired to cause impulsive behavior. It may be too much to overcome, but we’ll see.
Just as I struggle to understand people who take their time, prioritize, and work methodically, I know some people won’t understand my perspective. I do have one defense mechanism: an intuitive sense of when I’m moving too fast. It usually kicks in with an internal reminder to take care – something I often ignore but sometimes heed.
I’ve revealed my weakness to anyone playing me in a game like chess, but at this stage of life, it matters less, and I need to be honest about myself. What drives me to act quickly and push, push, push is a significant challenge.
In a perfect world, we’d all understand and accommodate each other’s natural behaviors mutually. But we’re human, and we each have our ways. Just as others may not understand how I tick, I don’t naturally grasp their approaches either. Life is about learning this sensitivity and working with different people to accommodate their needs, especially in a family. I’m not as strong at this as I should be, and I have work to do.
Ideally, I’d reread this, reflect on it, think it over, and then publish. But you and I both know that within five minutes of writing this sentence (and ten minutes from starting), it’ll be online. I don’t know another way, except when my intuitive radar flags something as wrong and I feel uncomfortable. But I feel good about this one.
