I am probably the only person not posting about the weather (yes I am a Brit and am pre-programmed to discuss it at every occasion and yes it is 38 degrees C while I am writing this but I am barely outside anymore so it has had virtually no impact on me – as long as the AC continues to run and there are no power cuts…so my request is everyone keep theirs off please).
I’ve noticed something recently, I’ve stopped saying, “But apart from that all is ok.”
It used to slip out whenever someone asked how I was. I’d list my issues, then tack that phrase on at the end. It annoyed me, but I couldn’t seem to stop.
Now it’s gone. My therapist noticed it too, and we talked about it. It’s a good sign. I’m no longer trying to convince myself, or others, that I’m okay. I just am.
Yes, I have PSP, and yes, it’s advancing. But right now, I’ve come to terms with it. I feel at peace.
That doesn’t mean I’ve given up. I haven’t been near the wheelchair, and I even feel a little better (though let’s not get ahead of ourselves, walking is still terrible). My mindset is one in which I will be stubborn but not stupid, I will fight but not to spite myself. I am determined not to use the wheelchair until I absolutely do and then I will embrace it and move on to the next fight. I am writing this to reinforce this to myself.
This isn’t a breakthrough or a permanent shift, but it’s noticeable. And I hope it continues.
