Why I Keep Pushing Myself

I will keep fighting and pushing myself. Partly because I’m stubborn, unwilling to give in, and partly because I genuinely believe it’s the best way forward.

This Jewish New Year was a powerful example. As I write this, my shoulder is in significant pain, but it was absolutely worth it.

I was asked, as I have been for the past few years, to lead the Mussaf service, the main prayers on the Jewish New Year. I don’t see it as a right, but as a responsibility I take very seriously. It gives me immense spiritual uplift, and I hope it brings something positive to the congregation too.

In the lead-up, I was nervous. Standing for long periods is something I simply don’t do. But with support and preparation, I took it on, and I made it. I was given the option to sit if needed, but I didn’t need to. I felt strong, connected, and spiritually present in a way I haven’t felt for years.

Of course, it came at a cost. My body was exhausted, and later that evening I took a serious fall at home. My shoulder still hurts, and I’m feeling the effects.

But I was stubborn again. I refused to let it keep me home on the second day of the festival. Armed with ibuprofen and determination, I spent a beautiful day with my family, community, and friends. I’m exhausted now and hoping for a restful night and fewer bruises tomorrow.

I’m a realist. I understand what I’m dealing with and the toll it takes. But I still reach for the stars, just in a different way. I try to live fully and achieve meaningful things. One congregant told me it was “inspired and inspiring.” I don’t quite agree. I believe many in my situation would do the same. But I am determined to keep going, even when it’s hard. Finding the balance between pushing and overreaching is difficult, but I try.

I’m not too stubborn. I stayed in the wheelchair today because I know my limits, and I cancelled a trip to France a few months ago for the same reason. But I will keep pushing.

Thank you to everyone who helped me in so many ways.

Each of us is different, shaped by our own DNA and circumstances, but I believe we can all find ways to optimize our situation, preserve a sense of positivity, and pursue accomplishment. I wouldn’t presume to advise anyone else, but this is the path I’ve chosen.