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Today almost every line I tried to dictate into my speech-to-text software failed.
Not occasionally. Almost every sentence.
It was, and honestly still is, deeply upsetting.
I spent hours trying to finish a blog post and eventually gave up. The irony is that the post itself is probably 95% there. Unfortunately the other 95% consisted of correcting what the software thought I said.
Simple sentences became complete nonsense.
“It’s getting much harder” became “hello.”
“Why don’t I stop?” became “Very Nice Top,” which apparently means my neurological decline has now turned into a fashion review.
At one point I genuinely could not tell whether the problem was the microphone, the software, my voice, or some secret meeting between all three designed specifically to annoy me.
The latest software. The latest microphone. Every possible workaround I could think of.
And still sentence after sentence arrived broken, wrong, or bizarrely cheerful.
I want to blame the technology. I really do. But I suspect the problem may be me, although I am unwilling to make final conclusions until I see a pattern emerge. This may be a bad few days. It may be something more. Right now I genuinely do not know.
And if I am being honest, this has not arrived completely out of nowhere.
Recently more and more people have been saying they cannot hear me properly. Asking me to repeat myself. Leaning in slightly during conversations. Tiny moments that are easy to dismiss individually but harder to ignore when they start joining together.
What I do know is that this feels like the first step in my acceptance process, and I am not ready to sprint to solutions yet.
Before anyone suggests it: yes, I know there are things I can and probably should look at. Speech therapy. Voice exercises. Slowing down. Speaking more clearly. All sensible. All probably helpful.
But at the moment I am still too furious to listen properly.
I need a few days first.
So for now I am pressing pause before making dramatic conclusions.
I am going to regroup, watch some TV, do some yoga, exercise a bit, calm down, and come back tomorrow morning hoping this was just a terrible day rather than a new reality.
Because right now the frustration level is through the roof.
And because one of the few things I have truly leaned on over the last few months — my ability to dictate, write, and communicate freely — suddenly feels a little less reliable than it did yesterday.
ps in case you’re wondering how I put this post together, it was really bloody hard.
