At many times in my life I have debated whether I should discuss matters with a therapist or not. There have always been pros and cons as far as I was concerned and I am not revisiting previous decisions. In 99% of cases I have tended towards “I don’t need help”, “What use is talking to someone else”, “Therapy is a waste of time”, “Therapy is a waste of money” or one of many other standard refrains. Basically a mix of stubbornness, an unwillingness to be open to accept someone else’s advice and yes a certain level of stigma if I am true to myself – some level of ‘defeat’ that I need to call in outside help.
A second question in the few cases where I have explored further is the question of who and in most cases I have not found the right person – or I should say honestly that I have probably not given people enough chance.
It is amusing in the context of my profession of being a consultant – it has usually been the same arguments I have spent 25+ years countering in my effort to offer advice to companies. I have always said that my no 1 competitor in my business is management’s belief they can do it (usually executing a merger) themselves.
Basically … I spent my personal lifetime arguing the opposite other side of the coins – one of many contradictions. Anyway…whether I was right or wrong in the past who knows – I for sure I was not always right (a.k.a. British understatement).
I know I am not alone in this debate – again I don’t think it is black or white
I decided a few days ago after a long whatsapp with a friend that I needed to see a therapist. I decided for three main reasons:
I needed to talk about some big big big topics on my mind that I won’t go into but which are probably fairly obvious in the context of what is one of the most unpleasant and fiercest diseases out on the market. It wasn’t necessarily that I was looking for answers but I needed a way to discuss the topics and have the chance to think them through.
It was unfair on my friends to ask them to have these discussions – the topics are simply way beyond the ‘pay grade’ of my closest friends and confidants – I was finding myself discussing issues with people who I had no right to expect they could possibly give an answer – how many people have been through this insane reality of mine?
I needed objectivity – I needed someone who was dispassionate, who would let me go to places others simply wouldn’t let me go, ask questions others wouldn’t let me ask. I love my family so much but I simply can’t unburden on them some of the personal challenges I face at the moment, nor is it fair to. As a result – I didn’t have to fight the “but be positive”, the awkward expression of pain someone gives when a topic is raised, or the inability to truly speak what was on my mind free of hurting the other.
I am not going to reveal any of the contents but it was a truly incredible hour (we are not done after 1 hour but we made huge progress). It allowed me to really think things through and honestly I emerged calmer than I have been for a long time.
In terms of the person I spoke to….I opted for the one therapist who I have in the previous past found a positive connection and an ability to open up and it really worked for me. We talked remotely and for me personally this was actually a plus – it didn’t feel as intimidating.
I am not here to sell the concept of Therapy to anyone – believe it when I say there are truly pros and cons and on numerous topics I actually have a personal view that I prefer not to open up the issue and leave it boxed off and to just get on with living. There are however moments when just put simply, the challenge is so far beyond a persons normal ability to cope that it becomes critical.
I am in one of those situations (I think this just about qualifies 🙂 ) and it was truly critically important. Others face their own critical situations – and not just something like PSP. Honestly there are people with far bigger challenges emotionally and I genuinely mean that.
At this time, for this issue I am pleased that I abandoned my stubbornness and opened the door to something I have always found difficult and not suited to me. I am very pleased I did. It is yet another example of the degree to which I am, sadly, learning about life and about myself – I guess it could have probably come in handy a bit earlier…but I suppose it is ‘never too late’ – yet another catchphrase that suddenly makes sense.
It was a good day!
