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Yes – Ice Cream. And before you ask: Vanilla.
Living with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP) transforms something as simple as eating into a high-stakes balancing act. PSP is a rare neurological condition that affects movement, vision, balance, and – most critically for me right now – swallowing.
Add to that the dopamine-related medications (which I agreed to stay on despite their waning physical impact), and you get a perfect storm: compulsive behaviors amplified by a brain craving control, paired with a body that struggles to swallow safely. It is an intertwining of obsession and risk.
For me, choking isn’t merely uncomfortable; it is a potential precursor to pneumonia or death. “Mixed textures” – solid and liquid combined – are the worst offenders because PSP weakens the muscles that coordinate swallowing. My neurologist even recommended a PEG feeding tube, a permanent solution to eliminate aspiration. For now, motivated by fear and quality of life, I have declined the tube. However, I have placed myself on a diet that is literally one step removed from that reality.
Every choice matters. This is serious business – but if I don’t find an escape hatch through humor, I cannot cope.
The Move to Ice Cream
Recently, I flipped my diet upside down – from “healthy” to “zero choking chance.” From texture to virtually no texture. A friend suggested ice cream. Before PSP, I loved the occasional scoop. But when I consulted a specialist and online sources, the verdict was a resounding NO.
Why? Because melted ice cream creates a dual texture – liquid and solid – which is the ultimate choking hazard. I initially agreed to abstain.
And yet, here I am: an Ice Cream High-Risk Roller. Why? Because dopamine-driven compulsions make cravings difficult to resist. Food becomes more than nutrition; it is comfort, identity, and a tiny rebellion against the limitations PSP imposes. Ice cream has become my guilty pleasure, my break from monotony and restriction.
The One True Flavor
In the long history of debates over ice cream flavors, I have always maintained a steady, true – and yes, boring – stance: the only real flavor is Vanilla. No matter how many exotic options appear, I never waver.
Now, I feel doubly vindicated. Vanilla isn’t just my favorite; it is the safest choice. Smooth, consistent, and free of surprises. (see chart – not scientific but opinion based – mine) 
I eat it in micro-bites while it remains solid, never letting it melt. I use a teaspoon, one spoonful at a time. I sit upright and eat slowly. These small rituals aren’t just habits; they are survival strategies when you are inching toward a feeding tube. Yes, I am that obsessive. And yes, all of the above is perhaps an elaborate excuse for a lack of willpower.
The Double-Edged Sword
This isn’t just about choking. It is about the compulsive loop created by PSP and dopamine drugs: the more you crave, the more you obsess, and the harder it is to stop – even when you know the risks. It is a psychological tug-of-war layered on top of a physical one. Every bite is a negotiation between desire and danger.
I must be clear: I know people with far more severe obsessive conditions, and it is not a joke. Some turn to gambling, spending, or substance abuse – life-altering risks. I do not underestimate those dangers. I am deeply grateful that my own compulsion is focused on something as benign as ice cream, even if it carries its own hazards.
The Reactions
Reader reactions will likely range from boredom (“Just enjoy it already!”) to shock (“Why risk it knowing the consequences?”) to judgment (“It’s only ice cream, why so defensive?”).
The truth is, I know it is risky. I know it is unhealthy. But when your options shrink to almost nothing, you cling to small pleasures.
For my ultimate self-justification, I turn to Abraham Lincoln:
“It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.”
SOLD!
(Note to friends: Please don’t bring me ice cream. I’m already taking enough risks – and calories – as it is.)
Why This Matters
For anyone living with PSP or similar conditions, food safety is about survival, but eating is also about dignity and joy. Sometimes, the smallest indulgence feels like reclaiming a piece of yourself – even if it comes with a double risk.
Please tell me you agree with Vanila being the best and the only ice cream! 🙏
