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Tomorrow, a carer hopefully starts. He is a seemingly nice guy from the Philippines who has been in the country for nine years. This is a major change, and I cannot put it off any longer.
I have noticed how full-time my care has become for my wife. I must break the cycle and give her the freedom to feel less encumbered by my needs, even though this obviously involves a ramping-up period of learning for everyone. With my wife freer, I believe our relationship will be able to be more loving, less repetitive, and no longer one of her running to do my bidding.
In our interview, two interesting things happened.
First, we asked him what his biggest requirement was for a potential family. His answer was simply a “good family,” noting that a lot of carers are not treated with the huge respect they deserve. I hope we qualify and we make an incredibly warm environment for him.
Second, while I don’t know exactly how I will want help, my requirement is clear. Just from my lack of mobility, I am sadly constantly asking for pills, help pushing my chair, help preparing food, or help rushing to the bathroom. We will just have to get used to a new routine.
I realize I am the single likely point of failure here. I have fought to avoid this phase just as I fought the diapers, and I lost both battles because I had to admit both were good for me. I need to embrace this change. It is especially critical now because a second objective is to truly relax and reduce the chance of a second mini-stroke, which doctors suspect I had last week.
We are reaching a point where we are dealing with all the things I hoped would not come. I never in my dreams or nightmares thought I would require a carer full-time at 50. I will be truly honest that I am dreading this. However, I am bigger than this fear and have to accept it, especially knowing that the overwhelming number of people who have carers benefit massively.
So, I look forward with a huge amount of trepidation at tomorrow, but I know it is right. I have resolved to give it every chance to try to make it work and have embraced the project.
One Response
Having carer has been an absolute blessing to my husband who, I think, is at a similar stage of PSP. Although we do not have a live in carer because we live in a Retirement village and just do not have enough space in a two bed apartment (which is very spacious) to accommodate another person. We have two highly qualified ladies in their fifties who are intelligent, fun and very efficient. I bought a Wheelchair Accessible Vehicles and they are insured to drive it. They are able to take my husband out of outings for a whole afternoon. It enriches his life and give me windows of opportunity to just “be myself”. I really related to your description of your wife having to do everything for you – and it is exhausting and very frustrating for the patient who cannot do things for himself. I hope your experience with you Filipina will go well. We lived in Asia for some years and had Filipinos working for us – and find the well educated and very kind and responsive. Good luck.