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OK. It’s not a goal. It’s an obsession. A little like attending my daughter’s wedding was.
And I’m over halfway there. About 52%, actually.
Before I go any further, this is not intended to be a religious post. It just happens that the goal that matters most to me right now is rooted in faith. The lesson, I hope, is universal: sometimes goals that seem impossible at the start become achievable simply because we refuse to stop.
For reasons many people may not fully understand, I have set myself the goal of leading the Additional Service (Musaf) on the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah.
To some, that may sound antiquated or unremarkable. To me, it means a great deal. It is probably the longest prayer service of the Jewish year and certainly one of the most solemn. It demands stamina, concentration, preparation and a tremendous weight of responsibility in representing the community standing behind me.
No one should approach that role believing they are truly worthy of it. When I first started many years ago, I knew very little and thought I knew everything. Today, I know very little and think I know very little.
As the years have passed, the prayers have come to mean more and more. The words, “Who will live and who will die… who at their intended time and who not at their intended time,” carry a weight for me that they never did before. After the post I wrote yesterday, so too do the words, “Who will have tranquillity and who will suffer.”
On 29 May I withdrew. I simply did not believe I could do it.
Then, on 14 July, I changed my mind, although we wisely arranged a stand-in who is probably better than me.
Today is 14 August, one month later. It is also the beginning of the final month before Rosh Hashanah.
Which means I am about 52% of the way there. Not that I’m counting.
I spent much of today practising and studying the text more deeply. I can feel it pulling me forward, closer to words I have recited for years but perhaps never truly understood. I am still an amateur, far from the depth of understanding that others have, but that is not going to change.
I still don’t know whether I will make it. In some ways, that is not the point. A month ago, this felt beyond me. Today, I can see the destination.
I hope I get there. I pray I get there.
But whatever happens, I am already further than I ever thought I would be.
Perhaps that is the real lesson about ambitious goals. They start to look possible only after you have travelled far enough to believe they might be.
I’m 52% of the way there.
And for the first time, I genuinely believe the destination may be within reach.
