This is not other people asking me whether it is the right thing to continue blogging. This is me asking myself as I sit here in real time.
I think there comes a point where it may be important to get out while the going is good and spare myself and others a sort of goldfish bowl view of something that is only heading in one direction.
It would be lovely to finish blogging on a high with a clear, crisp message that life is good and happy, and to say to myself and others that it was great while it lasted.
But I am simply not ready to do that. It would be like saying there is no relevance to my life or story just because there have been a few bad days. I and many others are stronger than that and we cannot just declare silence when it suits us and hang our spurs up.
There was always going to be, from all physical and scientific viewpoints, a difficult course to this disease, and I have not even reached it.
I have so many good and in fact tremendous things in life, and I have been given such wonderful experiences. I cannot just cut and run.
There will come a time to stop, for example if my eyesight continues to deteriorate beyond a certain level (it is not good), or if I am unable to communicate in a way that the small number of people following this journey can understand. Until then, I will continue.
More than that, for my own therapy this has been a useful article to write. It reminds me that I have many more positives than negatives in the kitty bank. Thank G‑d.
Over the last couple of days I have been able to help friends with valuable advice, have good discussions with my kids, spend lovely time with my wife, lose horrendously at chess, and watch tennis on TV. I have even published a third book and am planning number four.
Now is not the time to give in to PSP and declare an exit from one of the few passions I have developed over these past years.
I started typing this exactly 12 minutes ago with no help from bots or AI, although it is going to check for typos and maybe make a picture.
During that time I have also been on the exercise bike at home and am off to do yoga. The disease is gaining and I will probably disagree with myself ten times today about what I have just written, but this is from the heart.
End. Fourteen minutes.
