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I’m not entirely sure what technically counts as a panic attack, an anxiety attack, or acute stress.
I know I’ve experienced moments of intense stress before – most of us have. Yesterday was one of those moments, and the causes are difficult to untangle. PSP brings both psychological and neurological anxiety (PSP affects The brainstem which controls automatic functions like breathing rhythm, blood pressure, and heart rate.).
Layered with the challenges of physical disability. Then came a viral infection that led to a trip to the hospital in an ambulance last week, new medication in the form of high‑dose steroids that I’m now tapering, very little sleep, and the emotional weight of discussing a particularly tough subject twice in a day with both a therapist and a close and highly qualified friend. Twice was too much for my body.
Whatever the episode was, my blood pressure climbed to around 170/110 and stayed there for a couple of hours, leaving me feeling completely overwhelmed. I tried to sleep but couldn’t settle. Eventually, music, my prescribed anxiety medication, an eye mask, and slow breathing helped me calm down. I finally managed almost six hours of sleep, with a sleep score of 72. My heart rate and blood pressure have settled to something closer to normal today.
Looking back, a few things stand out. I pushed myself emotionally by discussing a very difficult topic twice in one day. I have to balance tough topics better. Sleep, I’m learning again and again, is absolutely essential. And music, especially with noise‑cancelling headphones and deep breathing, is something that genuinely helps me regain control.
Much is said about mental health, but living through something as challenging as PSP makes the conversation feel very real. I’m often forced to face extremely tough subjects while also keeping many worries to myself because I don’t want to add to anyone else’s load. That combination can feel profoundly lonely (both patients, caregivers and family need some space!). Adding a new virus and strong medication on top of PSP is frightening, and I’m not ashamed to say so. I’m very grateful I’ve stopped driving.
Today I feel closer to normal, although still a little bruised by the experience. Off to do Yoga now. This blog is about PSP, and that remains at the centre of everything. PSP is a fast‑moving terminal condition that has reshaped my life entirely—mobility, diet, sleep, retirement, expectations about the future. But what happened yesterday was a reminder that life doesn’t pause for an illness. Real life piles additional stresses on top, and illnesses don’t unfold in tidy clinical settings; they happen in the chaos and unpredictability of everyday life and things from left field like other viruses.
I’m not a doctor, psychologist, or therapist, but I do know that when your blood pressure reaches those levels and breathing becomes difficult, it’s dangerous, even if the cause isn’t clear. A close friend came over and was an enormous support to my wife and me. We sought medical advice, and I strongly encourage others to do the same. If hospitalization is recommended, I believe it should be taken seriously. In my case, that wasn’t the guidance, and ultimately, we got through the episode with music, medication, deep breathing, and a little prayer.
I have nothing to gain by hiding the truth from myself. Years ago, I might have buried this out of fear of what others would think, but now the most meaningful thing I can do is be honest – with myself and with the people reading this blog. Life can be very tough at times, and as I wrote in my book on PSP, the only option is to weather the storm. I’m hoping today will be a calmer and more restful day.
So whether PSP, another disease, financial stress, exams, relationship issues etc – you are certainly not alone!
Off to do Yoga and exercise and reset the day and then rest/try to relax.