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Today was the first day in many weeks that I haven’t needed a painkiller beyond my now regular prescribed gabapentin. There was still the faintest trace of pain, but nothing of any consequence. I wasn’t trying to be brave. I simply didn’t need anything else.
For the first time in weeks there were no opioids, no Optalgin and no Acamol. That felt like a genuine milestone, particularly knowing I had managed without the opioids.
Better still, I completed a full yoga session and spent time on the exercise bike this morning. After weeks of being slowed down by pain, it felt as though I was getting a little part of my life back. 5 games of chess (face to face) as well.
But today turned out to be two very different days.
Perhaps I simply did too much. Perhaps my body is adjusting as it clears medications that have been masking things over the past few weeks. Or perhaps it was simply PSP being PSP. Whatever the reason, by late afternoon I crashed. A prolonged power-down episode, during which I could hear everything around me but couldn’t move at all, left me shocked by just how exhausted I became.
It was as though PSP was quietly reminding me that, while the pain had taken a step back, it hadn’t.
As I write this, I am exhausted (and just turned down a call from a close friend apologizing I don’t have any energy – but I feel the need to get this out of my head and onto paper so I can sleep better), but also genuinely delighted to be off the extra painkillers and free from the extreme pain that has dominated recent weeks. I know that relief will not last forever, but today it was real, and I am grateful for it.
Even so, I refuse to let the ending define the day.
Today I proved that the pain can be brought under control. Tomorrow I will deal with whatever PSP chooses to throw at me next.
For now, I’ll celebrate today’s victory and look forward to what I hope will be a truly lovely weekend.
