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This morning, a close friend and I had a fascinating conversation about positivity.
We weren’t trying to convince each other. We were trying to understand each other.
He sits firmly in what he calls the “pro-positivity camp.” For him, life is almost binary: you can choose optimism or you can choose negativity. Whatever circumstances you face, the choice remains yours.
I understand exactly where he’s coming from.
In many ways, I admire it.
If I could simply choose to be positive 100% of the time, I would.
But I don’t think life is quite that simple.
For me, emotions aren’t opposites fighting for control. They often coexist. Gratitude alongside frustration. Hope alongside fear. Joy alongside sadness.
Living with PSP has only strengthened that belief.
Most days, I genuinely am positive. I still laugh. I still write. I still find purpose, meaning and reasons to be grateful.
But there are also days when the pain is overwhelming, when my eyesight disappears behind involuntary eyelid closure, or when exhaustion strips away any reserve I thought I had left.
Those moments are real too.
Acknowledging them doesn’t make me weaker.
Pretending they don’t exist doesn’t make me stronger.
What helps me most in those moments isn’t someone reminding me that the glass is half full.
It’s someone recognising that carrying the glass can be incredibly hard.
That isn’t negativity.
It’s empathy.
My friend argued that we each choose how we respond to life.
I think he’s right.
I argued that before encouragement sometimes comes understanding.
I hope I’m right too.
In truth, there are days when his optimism is exactly what I need. He has become one of my positivity cheerleaders, and I am grateful for that.
The interesting thing is that neither of us changed our minds by the end of the conversation.
What changed was our understanding of each other.
I also hope he understands that there are moments when I bristle at encouragement.
Not because I don’t want hope.
But because hope often lands best after reality has first been acknowledged.
Perhaps that’s the balance.
Not relentless positivity.
Not relentless realism.
Just the wisdom to know which one the person standing in front of you needs today.
No one has all the answers.
But if we can listen before we advise, understand before we encourage, and empathise before we inspire, we may discover that positivity and compassion are not opposites after all.
They are strongest when they walk together.
