Bored? Everyone Has a Solution

Boredom is one of those subjects that everyone has an almost instant opinion about, me included.

Mention you’re bored and watch what happens…within seconds, someone will have a solution.

“Watch some television.”

“Do a puzzle.”

“Read a book.”

“Listen to a podcast.”

“Try an audiobook.”

“Play chess.”

“Learn a language.”

Everyone has something that worked for them, so naturally they suggest it. Unlike many symptoms of illness, boredom is something almost all of us have experienced. We’ve all sat through a delayed flight, spent several days in bed with the flu, endured a rainy Sunday afternoon or wondered what to do with ourselves over a long holiday.

So I completely understand why people want to help.

The only problem is that boredom caused by illness isn’t quite the same thing.

I’m not saying I suffer greatly from boredom. Most days I manage perfectly well. I write blog posts (probably more than anyone would choose to read!), I draw, I play chess, I watch sport, I keep in touch with friends, I occasionally take a nap, and I try to help people wherever I can.

But every now and then it catches me by surprise.

This morning, for example, I found myself looking at the clock. It was only 8:15.

I’d already been awake for several hours. I’d written, done my yoga, got ready for the day, been to synagogue, bought my wife flowers and even managed a few other jobs.

And then I realised I felt like I had nothing to do.

Nothing.

That probably sounds ridiculous. But after decades of being a workaholic, it’s a surprisingly difficult adjustment, especially when I can’t simply jump in the car and run those little (and sometime not strictly necessary) errands that used to fill the gaps in the day.

After all, there are thousands of things I could do.

Except there aren’t thousands of things I can comfortably do anymore.

Reading has become difficult because of my eyes. I can’t spend too long looking at a computer screen. Going out requires planning, help and, at this time of year, coping with an Israeli summer that rarely drops below 30°C. I’m in the house almost all the time. The body that once worked ridiculous hours now has very different limits. My battery simply runs flat far sooner than it used to.

Retirement and illness can each create boredom.

Put them together and they multiply the challenge.

For thirty or so years I was hardly ever bored. If anything, I had the opposite problem. There was always another meeting, another client, another email, another deadline. I used to dream about having more free time.

Be careful what you wish for.

One suggestion I hear quite often is audiobooks.

I’ve tried.

Several times.

They simply don’t work for me. That’s not because there’s anything wrong with audiobooks. It’s because there isn’t a universal answer. What fills one person’s day leaves another person’s mind wandering after five minutes.

Interestingly, researchers working with people who have advanced illnesses noticed something similar. They realised that many people weren’t describing depression at all. They were describing a combination of purposelessness, understimulation and boredom, significant enough that researchers developed something called the PUB Scale to better understand those experiences.

I found that strangely comforting.

Not because I wanted another scale.

But because someone had recognised that boredom isn’t always a failure of imagination.

Sometimes it’s simply the consequence of a life that has become much smaller than it once was.

Perhaps that’s why I don’t always need another solution.

Sometimes I simply need someone to understand why the boredom exists in the first place.

Ironically, once someone acknowledges it, I’m often already halfway towards solving it myself.

So, by all means, keep recommending your favourite television series, puzzle or podcast. One day one of them might be exactly what I need.

As a bonus, before you offer the solution, perhaps begin with something even more valuable. Empathy.

A simple acknowledgement that, given the circumstances, feeling bored is perfectly understandable.

“I can understand why you feel bored.”

Sometimes that’s the most helpful solution of all. And then of course you can give your idea which I am likely to be more receptive towards.

By the way, I have tons of suggestions for anyone who is bored…😊