My PSP Awards

I am in quite a lot of pain at the moment, particularly in my stomach. So naturally, with little to do, I’ve decided to hold an awards ceremony (yes, I am strange).

Sadly, there are no trophies. Just honest winners, and a couple of good ones too.

Everyone living with PSP would choose a different set of winners. These are mine.

Most Debilitating (and Least Funny) Award: Constipation

The reigning champion. Unfortunately, it is defending its title as I write.

Most Unexpectedly Painful Award: Nerve Pain

It came from nowhere and hurt more than anything I had ever felt.

Hardest to Explain Award: Powering Down and Freezing

One moment, I am functioning. The next, my body seems to have stopped cooperating without giving any notice.

Biggest Overreaction Award: Noise and Light Sensitivity

The noise and light are perfectly normal. My reaction to them certainly isn’t.

Most Underrated Award: Vision Problems

Vision problems aren’t at the edges of PSP. They are at its core. Looking, focusing, reading, finding my way around: things I once did without a thought.

Most Dangerous Ordinary Activity Award: Swallowing and Choking

Eating and drinking shouldn’t feel dangerous. Sometimes they do.

Most Costly Award: Reduced Mobility

It isn’t simply about no longer walking. It’s about the risk of falling, needing help with things I once did automatically, and surrendering independence I never imagined losing.

Makes Everything Else Worse Award: Insomnia

Because apparently, having PSP during the day isn’t enough.

Quietest Thieves Award: Rigidity, Loss of Smell, and Loss of Handwriting

None of them makes the headlines. Rigidity is just reliably unpleasant. The other two simply slipped away. Together, they remind me how many small things PSP takes without anyone noticing.

Most Ridiculous Daily Commitment Award: 45+ Pills

Morning, afternoon, evening, and night. I’ve swallowed so many that I sometimes wonder whether there’s any room left for food.

And the cruel irony? Not one of them can stop PSP doing what it does.

Things I Miss Most Award: Driving and Proper Food

A joint award. Driving, for the freedom to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Proper food, for the simple pleasure of eating what I fancied without wondering whether I could swallow it.

Two very different pleasures. Both taken entirely for granted.

The Surprise Award: Botox

Strictly speaking, it shouldn’t qualify. It isn’t a symptom. But this is my awards ceremony, and I make the rules.

Of all the treatments I’ve tried since developing PSP, Botox has been the genuine surprise. And who would ever have imagined I’d be the first member of my family to have it?

The Award I Most Wish Didn’t Exist: Anger and Apathy

These are the symptoms I fear most because they don’t only affect me. They can affect the people around me, especially the people I love.

I can accept PSP doing things to my body more easily than I can accept it changing the way I sometimes behave towards my family.

Lifetime Achievement Award: PSP

For changing almost every part of my life, stealing abilities I once took for granted, and leaving me wondering what it will take next.

The only winner whose future performances I genuinely fear.

But there are two awards left. And they are the ones that matter most.

Best Supporting Cast: My Wife, Family, Carer, Friends, and Medical Team

They didn’t choose PSP either, yet they live with its consequences alongside me. They help, adapt, tolerate, reassure, and keep going. No trophy would be big enough.

And finally, the one award I’m proud to accept.

The Award I Actually Want: Adaptability

I don’t always manage resilience. I am certainly not always positive. Some days, adapting simply means accepting that I can no longer do something I once could.

But I am still here. Still writing. Still adapting. Still finding the things that help.

And on a day when my stomach hurts and PSP feels particularly relentless, I can still find enough humour to hold an awards ceremony in its honour.

That is the one trophy PSP isn’t getting its hands on.