Setting Tough/Doable and the Right Goals
I recently set myself three goals. At first glance, I scored 1 out of 3. But on reflection and after some recovery work we did, I give myself a score of 2.5 out of 3. More importantly, these goals gave me the value of aiming high, pushing myself, and focusing on how I go about achieving them.
Going forward, I’m setting two new goals, and I’m stating them here as a way of pushing myself to keep them.
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Past Goals
1. To go on the joint 50th birthday cruise my wife and I had booked before I was diagnosed.
2. To meet up with two of our best friends and have a reunion holiday in the South of France.
3. To be the ‘Cantor’ at the Jewish New Year “Mussaf” Service and to nail it spiritually.
How did I do?
On the face of it, I scored 1 out of 3. I couldn’t go on the cruise due to health risks. I couldn’t make the trip to France. But I personally think I knocked the third out of the park.
That might sound like I was setting myself up for failure, did I aim too high? Are goals actually negative when you so clearly miss?
Actually NO, I’m most pleased with how I and my family adapted to deal with the missing goals.
My wife took my daughter on the cruise instead. It wasn’t ideal for any of us, my daughter was stuck on a boat with a much older generation (on the first day she was asked to help someone take off their DVT socks and avoid the bunions), my wife wanted to be with me (that was the point), and I was stuck at home having spent so much money on something I was missing. But we made the best of a tough situation. I’m proud that we found the best path forward. It was great for my wife to get a break and for the two of them to have time together, just as I got to have real time with my daughter who stayed at home to help me. That’s a 50% score at least.
We couldn’t go to meet our friends, but we arranged to meet a few weeks later at home and had an awesome time (in my view). Again, we adapted and kept the essence of the goal at heart. That was a 100% win.
The prayer goal was the most challenging. I pushed and pushed myself to stand and have the strength to do it, and I did. Albeit with a real backlash and nasty fall from PSP. But it was a 100%.
All the goals were stretched and non-PSP based, but focused on Quality of Life, which, given the lack of treatment, was spot on.
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Future Goals
1. To attend, enjoy, and be in the background of my daughter’s wedding process, not just the day but the build-up. I especially want to allow the focus to be on her and her husband-to-be and their joy, not me. Hence, the background. I want my family to truly enjoy this process together. It means everything to me. Like before, we may need to adapt, and as part of the goal, the clear priority is my daughter, not me.
2. In general, I want to work to keep my current cognitive level for as long as I possibly can and be clever about adapting along the way. I’ve chosen this above pain management and physical decline because this is the most important element to me. It allows me to continue to give meaning to my life, by writing, mentoring, engaging in this blog and others. So the bad news for you is that I am going to practically keep blogging here, on Linkedin and Times of Israel at at least 50% of the pace through the next 6-12 months.
3. I want to focus on others, especially my wife. PSP is a selfish business, all attention gets plowed into ‘me’, my needs. My wife is totally committed to my care, but I want to flip it around and ensure, to the best of my ability, that she is coping, that she is looked after, and that we have great times as a couple. I want to hang on to that for as long as possible, including trying to avoid the conflict, resentment, and anger I have at times as we learn how to cope with this process. This currently includes, alongside everything else, a massive renovation project to create a downstairs bedroom and bathroom ready for me and a carer when needed.
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Why Set Goals?
I spent nearly 30 years in the business world. Goals and purpose are critical for businesses. You have to aim for goals to direct the focus of the organization to specific things that will deliver your purpose.
Here, my purpose is to have a Quality of Life for me and my family and to continue to have meaning in my life to influence others with my experience for as long as possible.
I recommend goals, as long as they are set thoughtfully. I urge people to see them as a tool and not go negative when failing to meet them. The enormity of the enemy is simply too great. But try to adapt to still find a way of ‘winning’ in other ways.
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Call to Action
Whether you’re facing illness, uncertainty, or simply the everyday challenges of life, set goals that stretch you, not break you. Reflect, adapt, and redefine what success looks like.
