Slow Down!!!

I’ve been rushing all my life, and right now, that habit is probably my biggest risk.

I was the person who had to arrive at meetings early because I dreaded being late. The one who reached the airport before check-in even opened, fearing traffic or long queues. I’d get to the office at 5:30 a.m. for a head start on my workload. I even wolfed down meals because there were always “other things to do.” I am the person who doesn’t wait the 30 seconds for the microwave to finish but opens the door with 6 seconds to go – why? Pure impatience.

Relaxing was never my strength. My work mantra, always two steps ahead, brought some success, but it also created unnecessary stress. Now, that same habit poses a mortal danger. I have to work harder than ever to slow down.

The risks are real: stumbling, falling, choking. Avoiding them requires a new discipline – patience, carefulness, and steadiness. As one fellow PSP patient said to me in response to a previous blog: “Steady as she goes.”

Logically, nothing is stopping me. I’m retired. I can’t drive. I don’t have deadlines anymore. I should be able to slow down.

And yet, I’m still consumed by the same DNA – impulsive, impatient, restless, and always rushing. In some ways, I’ve been doing it even more because of PSP.

PSP slows you down whether you like it or not. My walking pace has dropped to a quarter of what it was, and I can only manage a few meters at a time, and as I have such terrible balance I need walking aids at home and a wheelchair outside. Muscle rigidity makes every movement slower. Even simple things, like not being able to look up or down, mean dressing takes longer. I’m slowing naturally, but deep down, I’ve been resisting it.

Some resistance is good – the yoga, the positive attitude, the commitment to keep laughing (even if my humor sometimes turns a little darker). I have to force myself to slow down and live by that mantra: steady as she goes.

I need to eat more slowly, drink more slowly, chew more carefully, and take each step deliberately. I need to focus and stop trying to do three things at the same time. Right now, I am my own worst enemy.

I doubt I’ll ever change 180 degrees, and I need to keep my positive energy. But I have learned to change a staggering amount already and to accept that change, and I need to apply it now. I’ve also learned unexpected things like learning to fall properly, which has helped me so many times, and I even learned to breathe properly due to starting yoga (yes – it turns out I’d been doing it wrong my whole life, which is a little strange).

I’ve learned the most important lesson since PSP entered my life: that I still see life incredibly positively. I feel blessed, and my faith has deepened, even though I’m genuinely scared of the process G‑d is challenging me to go through. So far, the fear has been greater than the reality at every stage, but I need to put in maximum effort to help make it so.

So please, be annoying (in a nice way!) and help me in this process. Encourage me to slow down and be more deliberate. If you see me eat while talking and playing chess on my phone, tell me I am doing it. It should be second nature, but it isn’t.

As the saying goes, different horses for different courses. And as my PSP commenter reminded me, it’s time for steady as she goes. Time to take my foot off the accelerator and proceed with care. I can’t let the habit of a lifetime become the habit that derails me.

What helps you slow down in your own life? Share your tips and experiences in the comments – I’d love to learn from you.